Hudak skips leader’s debate… in Northern Ontario… he’s a dick

Ontario Conservaglib leader Tim Hudak says piss off to Northern Ontario

TERRANCE GAVAN — Erection Desk — Limp Dick Hotline

What if they held a leaders debate and no one came? Would it make a noise?

You may or may not be aware that the first Ontario leaders debate was held today in Thunder Bay, Ontario.

That’s Thunder Bay and the northern suburbs of the province which is about as far away from Bay Street – in thought and deed and indeed in need – as one can get without infringing on the hinterland of Manitoba. The Conservative Party led by the inestimable charmer Tim Hudak did not show up. I’ll give you a test right now. How many seats does the Conservaglib Party hold in Northern Ontario. Let’s call it an even 12 seats up for grabs. How many. Go ahead. Take a wild stab at the number of blue chairs involved in that clusterfuck of low rent misery.

Yes. Grace you are right. Zero is the correct answer. Only a skeptic would find a correlation between HuDaHeck’s no show and the fact that he hasn’t a toasted pork sandwich’s chance in a Schwartz’s Deli of taking a single fucking seat in the north. So he gave it a pass, citing prior commitments

The prior commitment? Ah shit who knows and who cares. (Peterborough actually, where the crowds are friendlier) Hudak says that it was impotent! Err.. important. We make apologies for that error and its implications re limp dick references in the sub head and head. Most Tories are in full agreement with Hudak’s asinine rebuke of the north. Of course his supporters are, as already outlined in this screed, lined up on Bay Street. And Bay Street could give a tinker’s fuck about the north.

So, Hudaheck has bailed on 12 seats and in so doing has solidified his reputation as a man of the wankers… err…bankers. People be damned.

My degree is in political studies and I only get a chance to brag about that in election year screeds.

I’m going to take a wild stab here and rail against the Tory braintrust who all seem to regard this foible as a small blip on the bigger screen. I think the brain trust is full of shit. This is going to hurt Mr. Hudak and I believe that it’s a huge faux pas. Call this the Harper gambit. Waay back when in the last federal election Mr. Harper absolutely ignored Quebec. Betting (on the basis of a split vote in the Liberal NDP demographic) that he could win a majority without necessarily winning a majority. And it worked out thanks to Canada’s pretty fucked up system of seat distribution. We know that Harper has the approval of less than 35 percent of the country. God Bless Democracy! And thank the lord for Gerry Manders, a Tory cohort and bag man.

So Hudak is willing to bet that he can sashay away a chance to joust with his leadership opponents, and still win it in the suburban hubs.

It’s a mistake. You cannot serve up spit and shineola on a rare debate opportunity when you’re only looking at two weeks of damage control. This is a short dash, not a long pitched scrum. Hudak is, to put it tersely, but honestly… screwed, tattooed, and loosely screwed. Fucked as it were!

The people of Ontario have an opinion of Mr. Hudak. There is a perception that he is a shirker. Soft. No I don’t have to wait for the fucking polls. I am on the street. And? What I’m hearing bodes ill for the PC campaign.

My question is why? Why take the chance, when it would have been very easy to suck it up and take on the NDP and Liberals in their own backyard. There’s points on the hustings for stepping to the plate. But Hudak ain’t no Babe Ruth. Is he?

There’s the divil’ to pay for slinking off to the safety of a dandyesque daffodil dilly dally in the Pete.

If it’s possible to lose an election through bitch, beebop, botch and blunder? (An t’is.)

Hudak did it today.

Maybe Hudak should have taken a page from the BC NDP Party. Hmmm. What did they do when they were in trouble?

Simple. They hired the true and blue Stockwell Day to run their orangish campaign. Yep. Old Seadoo water up the latex wazoo himself.

Stockwell Day… Timmy? Ring a fucking bell?

Remember Him?

I think he was free. Just last week I saw SeaDoo Stock geyser gushing while guesting on Evan Solomon’s Power and Politics.

I think old Stock would have told you to straighten up, fly right and get your cockeyed ass to Thunder Bay.

A riff on the demise of a leader… By Willy T Shakes.

Alas, poor Hudak! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?

Get Gav @terrancegavan.