SHRIKE OBTAINS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PRINCE CHARLES RE PUTIN COMMENTS
TERRANCE GAVAN – WORLD NEWS EDITOR
“It’s all a batch of piddle proddlee from the obviously deluded mind of a woman who has clearly eaten too much cod.”
That from Prince Charles, who was reached by phone late last night chatting with the Shrike.ca over an undisclosed cell phone in a Halifax parking garage.
“Cod,” said Charles. “it’s not the poor old biddy’s fault. But it’s a well documented fact that about two thirds of Canadian Maritimers have slow reflux dementia from an almost steady diet of mercury contaminated cod, cod liver oil, cod custard pies and of course don’t even get me started on the screech.
“My detail of funny fur hat constables say they detected the unmistakable reek of 200 proof rum emanating from that group of dowagers sitting at the table where I stopped to pay my respects to the Canadian addled demographic,” added the Bonny Prince.
“What more can I say? The woman is clearly crazy as a pack of Puffins on some of your choice BC Herb!”
Charles was reacting to a story that broke late yesterday attributing a comparison of Vlad Putin to Adolf Hitler to Prince Charles.
CP CANADA — The newspaper reports museum volunteer Marienne Ferguson as saying her Jewish family fled to Canada from Poland when she was 13, but that other relatives failed to flee before the German army arrived in Gdansk in 1939.
It quotes Ferguson as saying she told Charles about her family background and how she came to Canada, and that Charles then said to her: “And now Putin is doing just about the same as Hitler.”
The Canadian Press could not immediately reach Ferguson for comment about the report.
The Shrike’s crack news network was able to reach Ferguson for comment this morning.
“He’s denying that he said it Marienne,” I told the dowager over a clear CSIS cellphone line.
“What,” said Ferguson. “He’s in denial? I didn’t know the Prince had a substance problem! Mother of Flynn! is it crack? Or just the sherry? My cousin Mary-Beth says she put her husband Seamus right on the methadone… cured him fine.”
“No Miss Ferguson, the Prince has denied ever comparing Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler,” I said.
“The prince compared the Russkie to Hitler?” asked Ferguson. “When did that happen? Siobhan… turn on the news… this guy says that Prince Charles compared Putin to Hitler… why didn’t someone tell me… that’s big news. Now… Terrance… why are you phoning me again?”
“Because Mrs. Ferguson… he told you… didn’t he?” I asked.
“He told me what?” asked Ferguson. “Young man I’m having trouble understanding what you’re saying here… my oh my… Fiona! I need some of my medicine! Now! Please!… Now young man… where were we?”
“Do you eat a lot of cod… Miss Ferguson?” I ventured.
“Of course I does!,” she said. “Morning noon and night… Fiona… my medicine… make it a triple!”
@terrancegavan for more news and construction.