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Rob Ford! Ain’t goin to rehab… I said no no hmmm? maybe?? Oh shit allright! Already

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  • Rob Ford

TERRANCE GAVAN – GAWKER COLUMNIST AND SCANDAL MONGER

Have you heard the people’s views on the remarkably hypnotic Rob Ford and his new, shiny new, irrevocably true and steadfastly blue promise to his Following.

The Zen Master has finally caught the fly in his chopsticks and he has released that fly back to nature.

The student has become the master.

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Rob Ford

Holy shit! He’s smoking crap! Holy Crap. He’s smokin’ shit!

Apologies to David Carradine and the producers of Kung Fu the series.

After being captured on canvas (this case the canvas being an iPhone or Android video) once again smoking a crazy melange in a pipe that may or may not contain cannabis or Crack or baking soda (if you believe his Following), the erstwhile Mare of Toronto is heading to rehab.

I said no, no, no, no, say it ain’t so Joe!

How stupid is the Mare of Toronto?

He is exactly as stupid as a fucking bag of hammers. Thank you Reverend Donald Francis Gavan for that still vivid descriptor.

[/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][box] He apparently is so stupid that he has absolutely no idea that, as a fixture in the public eye, there are people out there on every street corner of his city, cellphone wielding Spielbergs, who are slathering for the opportunity to film his big arse doing stupid things. These are people in need of a quick ten grand. **The amount the Globe and Mail paid for the latest peek at the Mare smoking crack, or baking soda, or ganja, or more likely ground up stupid pills.[/box]

So he has or is taking a leave of absence to address his alcohol problems.

Excuse me?

Alcohol problems?

Lookit’ here The Following!

I went to rehab for alcohol problems. I know what an alcohol problem is. Rob Ford has an alcohol problem, but if that’s all he’s copping to? The Following can write off the Mare.

He is addicted to crack. He is a bigot. He is a misogynist. He is an asshole of as yet indeterminate proportion.

He is above all a hater. He hates gays. He hates women. He hates liberals. He hates the media. He even hates the bulk of his electoral base.

Plus.

He’s stupid as a fucking bag of hammers.

In his latest screed – recorded by one of The Following – Mare Rob Ford says he won’t vote for Tim Hudak because he is a gay lover. Let me clarify. He believes in civil rights for gays.

He makes some outrageous sexual comments about a rival Karen Stinz.

He orders some shots and then threatens the bartender freely, because the bartender, it is assumed, wanted to do his job. And cut the Old Mare off.

The Toronto Police want to see the tapes.

I’m pretty sure that it’s against the law to threaten a member of the serving staff with bodily harm. Which the Mare clearly does.

Will the Mare find himself in a cell?

Well no. Of course not.

The Old Mare is above the law… apparently.

He is the Joe Carroll of the GTA. (Joe Carroll… look it up!)

On the CBC today. The Following spoke out.

“We all have problems,” said one lady. “Leave Rob alone, he’s a great Mare.”

“Hey mon, leave Rob Ford alone,” said another man, who apparently was flattered by or conveniently misremembered Mare Ford’s Jamaican pantomime… caught on another video.

Here’s an idea.

Let’s run this up the flagpole.

“An amendment to the GTA electoral requirements.”

To wit:

“Any person who fills the requisite and ensconced Reverend Donald Francis Gavan definition of being: Dumb as a Bag of Hammers? Will be barred from running for Mayor of the once proud city of Toronto. For life.”

The old Grey Mare oh he is exactly what he used to be.

Dumb as a bag of hammers!

Barred! For Life!

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By |May 1st, 2014|Categories: Columns, Politics, Rants, Terrance Gavan|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on Rob Ford! Ain’t goin to rehab… I said no no hmmm? maybe?? Oh shit allright! Already

About the Author:

terrance Gavan is a crap journalist. Humor is integral to every part of his life. Gavan is a raconteur, a story-teller, photographer, designer and videographer. he is also an award winning Canadian Journalist and an award winning news and sports photographer. He has worked for The Manitoban, CBC, CJOB, TSN, Canadian Press, United Press International, The Winnipeg Sun, Interlake Publishing, Sun Media, Runge Press, and the County Voice. He is a web designer, video producer and writer. An award winning poet, He resides in Kawartha Lakes, Ontario with his wife Jackie and boss dog Billie Jean King. Just a skip and hop from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Which is of course the center of the universe!

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