Seamus O’Bradaigh – Political Comment

Two of the strongest candidates to announce for the upcoming Toronto civic election, John Tory and Olivia Chow, apparently met in a private room at the Royal York yesterday to discuss strategy to oust incumbent Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

Both Tory and Chow were surprised to see a reporter from the Shrike.ca waiting for them on Wednesday (April 23) in the lobby of the Royal York. Our man on camera was in the bar taking on his fourth gin and tonic (there’s a worldwide lime shortage, did anyone know that?) and so we do not have a picture of the duo as they sprinted with their aides-de-camp toward twin limos.

Together Tory and Chow hold a 23 point lead in the early polls. They vow to run a clean campaign which is better than we can expect from that asshole Rob Ford! (Thank you Toronto Sun for the Photo)

Together Tory and Chow hold a 23 point lead in the early polls. They vow to run a clean campaign which is better than we can expect from that asshole Rob Ford! (Thank you Toronto Sun for the Photo)

“Are either of you planning to withdraw from the race if it looks like you’re going to split the vote,” asked Thomas A Williamsport, the Shrike.ca’s special investigative reporter, chasing after the couple as they sprinted for the anonymity of their town cars.

“I don’t know how you found out about this Thomas, but heads will roll if I figure out who the fluck is leaking,” shouted Tory as he hopped into the rear seat of the stretch Ford.

Liz Chow was a tad more gracious than her millionaire counterpart, telling Williamsport that she and Tory were just meeting for lunch to set some boundaries for the upcoming battle.

“We promised not to succumb to any negative campaigning,” said Chow. “We figure that slack jawed knuckle-dragging crack smoking neanderthal Rob Ford will bring enough negativity to the fight.

“So Mr. Tory and I will stage a free-ranging and positive discussion of the municipal issues facing Torontonians. We’ll leave the negativity to the Butthole surfing duo of Rob and Doug Ford, who wouldn’t know a hot button issue if it sat on their big fat heads!”

Mr. Tory was later reached for comments regarding Ms. Chow’s candid remarks.

“That sounds about right,” said Tory. “Olivia and I had a short strategy meeting at the Royal York to affirm that we’ll deal positively with the issues and leave the bullshit and crack-addled meanderings to that incumbent nincompoop Rob Ford and his idiot-savant brother Doug. I’ve heard that the sonofabitch will be in jail by September.”

And I can only add my own kudos to the commitment made by these two great troubadours of democracy.

Thank god we’ve got at least two candidates pledging to run a clean campaign.

Rob Ford was unavailable for comment.

His aide said he was out for a smoke and would return to city hall as soon as he came to.