Russ Brand

Stunning new mobile app… meet suckers like you who paid $3.99 for a giggly application

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Thursday that millions nationwide are signing up for Squandr, a new social discovery app employing GPS technology to match users with others in their vicinity who also wasted $2.99 on the same software.

“For me, it’s just a fun, no-risk way to meet new people and talk about how we all blew a few bucks on this app,” said Kelly Harmon, 27, who said she was pleasantly surprised to discover just how many people in her immediate area had the same frivolous spending habits she did.

“You can be in a park or a coffee shop surrounded by strangers, but with this app, you can immediately start up a conversation about how money apparently has no meaning to you whatsoever. It’s pretty cool.”

According to sources, many users are also opting to pay $4.99 for Squandr Premium, which offers the exact features of the original app for an additional two dollars.

Without Permission (The Onion! Fuck you so sue me!)