Yes, the Pope now has his own magazine, but is it enough to get the Gav back to church?


Silvio Berlusconi‘s media empire has taken a surprising new direction with the launch of its latest magazine. Best known for celebrity titles full of paparazzi pictures, Il Mio Papa – My Pope in Italian – will be devoted entirely to Pope Francis. Scheduled for a print run of 3m for the launch issue, the target circulation is said to be 500,000. The Times reports that those devoted half a million readers will be treated to regular features like Saint of the Week, in-depth articles such as how the Pope missed a Rome seminary because he had a touch of flu and interviews with pilgrims in St Peter’s Square.

No shit!

I love this guy.

I love that he tweets.

That he washes feets.

That his pip don’t squeak.

And that he speaks!

Out Motherfuckers!

To the gay bashers he offers this. “I don’t know if it’s up to me to judge.”

Where’s he get this? Jesus Christ! (For you neo-cons out there and you religious tarts – that’s not ironic. That’s a source! You could look it up! In the bible motherfuckers!)

To the money lenders and shysters and the Fox News arseholes who believe that rampant capitalism is a viable ethos?

[quote]Just as the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” sets a clear limit in order to safeguard the value of human life, today we also have to say “thou shalt not” to an economy of exclusion and inequality. Such an economy kills. (Thanks Gawker for the research)[/quote]

For those that think those remarks are over the top? Fuck you!

Here’s another to chew on!

[quote]”How can it be that it is not a news item when an elderly homeless person dies of exposure, but it is news when the stock market loses two points? This is a case of exclusion.”[/quote]

To those of us who can read that shit? And still believe in John Maynard Keynes or any efficacy in the bowels of an immoral capitalist state?

Eat this motherfuckers!

[quote]”While the earnings of a minority are growing exponentially, so too is the gap separating the majority from the prosperity enjoyed by those happy few. This imbalance is the result of ideologies which defend the absolute autonomy of the marketplace and financial speculation. Consequently, they reject the right of states, charged with vigilance for the common good, to exercise any form of control.”[/quote]

Is it enough to get me back to church. I am, you see, first and foremost a Catholic in Decline! An RC on his arsey! I do no candles and I don’t say my prayers. I knew a lot of good priests and was never molested so I come by this reluctance honestly. My uncle was a priest in decline. He was not a conformist and I think if he’d a had a gun and a mind set to violence he would have offed a couple of the sunofabitches that were ruining young lives when I was being buttered in the Archdiocese of Ottawa.

Just sayin’. I could be a little wistful here too.

Because these priests. These fucking molesters did a lot of damage. And I knew a couple personally. Our parish priest down the road on Meadowlands Drive, Fr. Dale Cramden. (sic – not his real name because those sunofabitching lawyers from Vatican City are a litiginous bunch of rat bastards.) He was busted for it. My mom actually wept for the sick bastard. “He was a good man deep down inside…” she said shortly after they carted his ass off to prison.

This is the insidious thing about the church. For every motherfucker that got caught there were ten that were moved surreptitiously in the night. To another parish and a new batch of poor kids. Bastards! All of them. And the church were bastards for schtupping the whole dirty affair. So years ago after I got sober I dropped out. I found out that I knew even more of the bastards than I had originally thought. I can forgive them.

I can really. If they stop and cut their offending portion off? And say 200 billion Hail Mary’s? I can forgive them.  I am, I am reminded by our good new pope, not supposed to throw stones while sporting this glass noodle on top of my shoulders.

But sorry. Il Mio Papa. Excusez! Mio!

I cannot forgive the church and that dirty rotten scoundrel who finally stepped down from his papal perch just before you hit hallowed ground running.

They covered up for centuries this accumulation of diddling.

So no. Il Mio Papa!

Tu es Bueno!

Keep laying it on the line baby!

But you ain’t getting me back into the church. I will, however, agree to a one-on-one with you at your convenience.

You wash my feet and I’ll wash yours.

Get your guy to call my guy.

We’ll tweet some shit and break some bread and you can explain to me why it took so long before we got a fucking pope who decided to incorporate the teachings of Jesus from Fucking Nazareth into the works.

For the answer to that?

I’d head back to church.


Bella Papa!

Your servant and fan, Terrance Gavan, an RC on his Arsey!

[quote]”I like it when someone tells me ‘I don’t agree.’ This is a true collaborator. When they say ‘Oh, how great, how great, how great,’ that’s not useful.” – Pope Francis quotes from[/quote]

[quote]”The people of God want pastors, not clergy acting like bureaucrats or government officials.” – Pope Francis[/quote]