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Hoo–Fucking–Ray!!!! Last Column From the Lebola Virus!
By Terrance Gavan – Shrike.ca Editor
My columnist BAM! Mego is now become insufferable. Because he truly believes that he’s had something to do with the following announcement.
This will be my last column for the foreseeable future. I think you’ve heard enough from me and my focus has to be on managing the business of the papers. I’ve very much appreciated your feedback and encouragement and know that our editors will continue to provide interesting and provocative opinions. I didn’t expect to go out with a last column about saucer-ears, but there you go: the future tends to be unpredictable. (Bram Lebo – Former Owner The Haliburton Highlander)
If there is one positive thing the Haliburton Highlands gained in the wake of the unfortunate monopoly created by Maple Key Media in the Haliburton Highlands and beyond?
It is this fact.
Bram Lebo will no longer be penning that execrable crap and molasses word binge: To wit: The Lebo weakly column.
What Bram Lebo calls writing? Is what most journalists call typing. So that’s gone and yes I guess BAM Mego! gets some kudos here.
It seems sometimes that Mr. Lebo types without purpose. For shits and giggles. Or maybe it’s some form of digital therapy. We don’t know. But we’re happy as fuck that he’s gone.
In this last chicken scratch Mr. Lebo types a lot but says a lot of… nothing. To wit: Who the fuck is Maple Key Media when it’s at home? It ain’t Lebo. There’s another force at work here.
Lebo does tell us that Jenn Watt, Chad Ingram and Steve Galea (Sun Media workers) will not be joining the new enterprise rising like Mordor from the Haliburton mists.
And of course he slyly admits to becoming what he fought against when he asked two real journalists to start the Highlander with him back in October 2011.
He told those two suckers on that day that he wanted to offer consumers a choice. An Independent newspaper, shucked and shorn from the vagaries of the monopolistic Sun Media. The two suckers stood… trusting mugs agape… As the lawyer regaled the saps with tales of fighting the monopoly in favor of the independent voice. We were told that we were to be an option. To. Sun Media. We would be providing Haliburton with a choice. An Independent fucking choice. And my jaw lies still agape today.
And I think the wind changed because it’s been agape with every fucking move Mr. Lebo has made since he began a campaign to make life unbearable at his new enterprise for me and another.
I knew Mr. Lebo back then and I was not foolish enough to believe that he was Santa Claus. But, I will admit that I stand here a man today devoid of any trust or belief in a man’s word. Mr. Lebo ushered me into that deep black void, where for a time I believed that everyone I met had the callous and unctious scruples of that man. It’s a sad, sad thing. This shroud of bleak entropy. When you lose your faith in human nature.
Ah shit! Had you goin’ there for a minute? Didn’t I?
It’s Christmas people, and I can tell you that Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. But it ain’t Mr. Fucking Lebo. I tread lightly today into handshake agreements. I am less trusting today than I was two years ago in October 2011. I owe it all to… The bombastic and egoistical legacy of that odious man. But I’m happier in my epiphanous state. I know that men will be men and some of those men may be unscrupulous. Some may even lie. Some are sociopaths like Donald Trump. I am more careful today. I shake hands but seldom. I have lost a teeny tiny bit of that soulful strut that allows us to function happily. Because of Mr. Lebo.
But I am more aware today than ever before about false gods, false promises and the innate promiscuity of trust. Grifters are remarkably resilient. And today I have a deeper understanding of those poor saps who fell to the will of Bernie Madoff. They’re good these fuckers. They’re very good. Today I shake hands with one eye open.
So as Bill Murray said: “I got that goin’ for me anyways.”
Back to Maple Key! And that silent partner? Remember that most takeover announcements are built with the de rigueur pandering (see bullshit) to the public and employees.
If the word monopoly has come to mind, I understand. I hate monopolies too. But the opposite of monopoly is a market in which there must be winners and losers. In the newspaper industry, this has meant extreme competition and, for those who work in journalism, not a high level of job security. By consolidating these papers, we are ensuring that they can continue.
Every employee formerly with Sun Media has been offered a position with Maple Key. Our employees will have greater certainty in their futures, and the community in the ability of its papers to provide complete and accurate coverage.
Our clients will always have choices – two outstanding radio stations among them and a variety of speciality publications – we cannot, and will not, ever take them for granted.
The payoff of course will be that our local newspapers will be designed and put together right here in Haliburton. We’ll be better able to handle your last-minute changes, create papers with personalities that reflect our communities, and our clients will know that their ad dollars are continuing to support local jobs and are being recycled into the local economy.
Mr. Lebo’s mincemeat was thus delivered with the (also) de rigueur blandishment to view with more than passing scrupulousness and due process. Look very closely advertisers. Cos’ the next tidbit contains the nut that sits atop the two humped dromedary’s saddle. Sun Media centralized their paper’s publication for a sound reason. Newspaper and paper in general is expensive as shit! And so are the people what wield the fingers that jam out the InDesign (fuck Adobe too and their new yearly pricing while we’re at it) licks.
So, advertisers? There’s a new monopoly in town… and it’s called Maple Key.
Oh and Merry Christmas to all. And to all? It’s good night!
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Oh.. and let’s not forget the websites. Because the one I built for Mr. Lebo is looking so forlorn that I took it off my web design portfolio a year ago.
I guess I designed it for free. Because I didn’t see a cent then. And Haven’t to this day. So merry fucking christmas Bram.