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Fifty Shades of Rob Ford – Photo of the mayor at the Paris Gay Pride Parade

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  • Ford at Gay Pride Parade

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Ford at Gay Pride Parade

He keeps saying: “That’s all there is.” And now an announcement by his gay lover, Count Luc Ferdinand Martinez Saffron Cisco.This picture is from the Paris Gay Pride Parade, May 2012. Photo by Jean Valjean for CP.

Toronto Mayor admits to secret life… in a Shrike.me exclusive

This is a q and a with Mayor Rob Ford, the beleaguered Toronto Mayor. The photo above was leaked by Agence Presse International Jean Valjean La Fenetre on Thursday, Nov. 7.

SEAMUS O’BRADAIGH – SHRIKE EDITOR EMERITUS

Seamus – Mayor Ford, on the heels of a shocking video released by the Toronto Star today comes this photo of you and your long-time lover,  Lord Luc Ferdinand Martinez Saffron Cisco. The photographer said he snapped it at the Paris Gay Pride Parade last May (2013). It comes as a bit of a shock considering you appetite for homophobic slurs and blatant absences from the Toronto Gay Pride Parade.

Mayor FordWho are you, you sunofabitch? I was told I was getting Mike fucking Duffy for this interview. I repeat, who the fuck are you?

Me – We talked last night at the Blue Pelican Club on the Danforth and you agreed to do this q and a interview.

Mayor Ford – Bastard. I was fucking drunk. But I’m a man of my word. That picture? If it does exist and I’m looking at it right now and I don’t know if I’m drunk or not or if this is a mirage or something. I mean I could be in a blackout. Wait I just pinched myself and holy fuck that looks a lot like me. I must have been in a blackout. When? Last May. Oh, christ, I was in a blue cocoon blackout for the whole fucking month! 

Me – So you and this guy were in the Paris Gay Pride Parade?

Mayor FordYeah. Fuck! Who knows? Ya’ got me again ya’ bastards. 

Folks I have nothing left to hide.

I would do anything, absolutely anything to change the past. But the past is the past and we must move forward.

I want to be clear I want to be crystal clear to every single person. These mistakes will never, ever, ever happen again.

Me – You mean that you’ve left your long time lover Count Cisco? And are you saying you’re no longer gay? I mean surely you don’t feel there’s anything wrong with being gay? Why should you apologize?

Mayor Ford – Some of the people I hang with aren’t quite as open minded as me! And why am I apologizing? Fuck where ya’ been the last few days Seamus, you drunken Mick? I apologize! That’s what I fucking do now. I apologize. It’s knee jerk. Every day you guys come out with some new hobby horse. I give up.  I have to say though, that I really miss those high heels. And that fuckin’ wig? Ain’t that a pip?

Me – So you’re no longer involved in the LGBT lifestyle?

Mayor Ford – Shit? What the hell is that? LBTGNYTD? Goddamit man, speak English. Look. I guess I was in Paris. I guess I was in that Gay Pride Parade. I don’t fucking know! I’m a stumbling alcoholic and a crackhead! Hello! Hello! Does that surprise you? That I can’t remember certain things? Like 2009. Like 2007. Like my wife’s birthday? And the last seven months? What part about “I got a fucking problem!” aren’t you getting? I could have sworn you were Mike Duffy last night. Can we get Duffy in here? He’s the only guy I know who makes me look thin. Can I get a crumb here Seamus?

Me – So what about the picture? Is it a cause for concern?

Mayor FordHell no. I’m gonna get it placed on a billboard outside the Roger’s Centre. I’m goin’ after the gay and lesbian vote in 2014.

Me – Anything you’d like to add?

Mayor Ford – I want to be clear I want to be crystal clear to every single person. These mistakes will never, ever, ever happen again.

I kept this from my family, especially my brother Doug, my staff,  my council colleagues because I was embarrassed and ashamed.

To the residents of Toronto, I know I have let you down and I can’t do anything else but apologize.I apologize and I’m so sorry.

Again, I sincerely, sincerely, sincerely apologize.

God bless the people of Toronto. Thank you very much.

“NOW DUFFY? O’BRADAIGH?  WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS! LET’S GO GET US SOME CRACK AND A BOTTLE OF VODKA! ALL THESE APOLOGIES ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY.”


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By |November 7th, 2013|Categories: News, Politics|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on Fifty Shades of Rob Ford – Photo of the mayor at the Paris Gay Pride Parade

About the Author:

terrance Gavan is a crap journalist. Humor is integral to every part of his life. Gavan is a raconteur, a story-teller, photographer, designer and videographer. he is also an award winning Canadian Journalist and an award winning news and sports photographer. He has worked for The Manitoban, CBC, CJOB, TSN, Canadian Press, United Press International, The Winnipeg Sun, Interlake Publishing, Sun Media, Runge Press, and the County Voice. He is a web designer, video producer and writer. An award winning poet, He resides in Kawartha Lakes, Ontario with his wife Jackie and boss dog Billie Jean King. Just a skip and hop from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Which is of course the center of the universe!

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