The Prime Minister and his naked legion of Walking dead
Seamus O’Bradaigh – The Shrike
Stephen Harper is the Prime Minister of Canada.
For the nonce.
And he will stutter and gripe his way through a monologue tonite that will bore every Canadian who is not in that room in Calgary.
And the only reason that he won’t bore the faithful party hacks to death in that smug rub and tug room is because they are brain dead zombies who have been trained, like seals, to balance a snooze alarm on their nose, while clapping loudly in the vain hope of drowning out some of the repetitive bupkis emanating from the jittery jowls of that smug-mugged dilettante. Oh, that would be Stephen Hardhair, our delicately insane PM.
Now! If his performance in the Commons this past week is any indication of what Mr. Harper will say tonite?
Then sit tight delegates, and strap yourself into your seat. Lest you fall into a fit of narcolepsy and crumple and hit your noggin on the hard macadam floor.
Stephen Hardhair will – again hearkening his Commons performance this week – presumably get up on the dais, unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket, unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket.
Then he will shake his shoulders in the manner of a stallion in heat, and he will point a finger at his audience and he will pour forth his sermon.
His delinquent debris and his shopworn hack. Unleashing all of that cogent rhetoric on his audience of voodoo-charmed brain eaters!
And they will cheer! Because they are stupid. Brain Dead. Zombies.
Why? What Proof? Because they are in party town, Calgary Alberta, on a Friday night and they are not out partying!
Calgary, is a party town! Most reasonable people party on Friday night. Calgary, a place where Bisons and Dinosaurs came to die. Scoop! They died waiting in line at the nightclubs.
So those boring walking dead will sit there and cheer because they are Walkers who hold nothing in their noggins except that innate and inbred yearning to eat brains and devour the utterly contemptuous spillage from that marauding Yob Stephen Hardhair, their leader, because he is the poster child for Brain Dead. He is a Zombie Uberman!
Ever see the opening of The Walking Dead? Check just past the rusted out Buick. There he is. Hardhair. In blood spattered blue cashmere. Spitting brain dead jargon. Looking for his next victims. The working poor.
Yes, Canada listen up!
Your leader is an extra on the Walking Dead! And he does not need makeup! I swear on my kids lives. He’s there. A cameo every bit as compelling as Hitchcock’s celebrated walk-bys.
And so Stephen Hardhair Harper will get up tonite. Unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket, unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket.
And thus he will spake! To the non-believers he will sound like the accumulated cast outside the prison walls on the Walking Dead set! But to the Zombied Tories in Calgary tonite? He is like a VooDoo Christ. His words clear and plain as a clarion call to arms.
Quiet, you undisciplined malnourished yobs! It speaks.
[quote]Mr. Duffy is a liar and a cheat and Nigel Wright is a liar and a cheat. And because my former best buddy Nigel gave Mr. Duffy $92,000on on the nod behind my back and the backs of the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) (except for the 10 or 15 guys who conspired to fix this deal in the first place) while promising Mike Duffy some kind of sweetheart package… um where was I – oh yeah, well Nigel was fired by me… because he broke my number one rule! Do what I say but don’t get caught or I’ll throw you under the fucking bus! Bastard.”[/quote]
Then he will – after the cheers die down – sit down and then stand up. He will unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket. Then he will say:
[quote]”Harumph and Hararrrr! Mr. Duffy broke the rules. Nigel Wright broke the rules. Of course when Nigel Wright broke the rules I fired his ass. Yes, I know I told Canada that I accepted his resignation reluctantly. But that was then and this is now. I fired him then and I will again today. If he’s in the crowd out there tonight? And I hope he is. Nigel, old buddy? You are fucking fired! Period. Geezuz. If you got $92,000 to throw around? Why didn’t you fire some of that green my way! Rich bastard! I got kids who need to go to university some day. And you there Duffy! Quit you’re griping and extortion activity. I’m the sitting leader of the house and I deserve some respect. You too there Wallin.”[/quote]
The he will, our Prime Minister will… unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket, unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket, unbutton his jacket, button his jacket, unbutton his jacket and rebutton his jacket.
The he will reveal his Senate Strategy going forward.
“Remember when I first took office? I vowed to reform the Senate. I told you Canada that I would never ppointing senators like the Liberals and PC governments did before me. Now. I have since named 59 trusted bag men and women and party hacks and dirty tricks and robo-call micromanagers to the senate. So… well, you know, like… I got that goin’ for me anyway. So I promised you senate reform? And I delivered, big time.
“I elected so many Tory shitholes to the ranks of the senate that they have begun reverting to form. Acting like the petty hacks and obsequious lickspittles they are. So I guess I won this argument! I mean I told you before I was elected that the Senate was a useless anachronism. And yes, ladies and gentlemen by appointing a feckless bunch of liars and cheats I have, I think, proved my point.
“I bid you good day sirs! Now fuck off and leave me alone! Go Tory! Go Harper! You know the drill ya’ feckless Zombies.
“Now get up ya’ lazy bastards! Get up you Walking Dead!
“You owe me a goddam standing ovation!”
I swear on a stack. That’s what he’ll say!