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I’ve fallen and I can’t get up – Bam! Mego

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What Me Worry? Aha! Bam! Mego takes on the Haliburton Highlands once again!

Bram Lebo’s insufferable ramblings – hardy stock those Highlanders

By Columnist – Bam Mego – The Shrike

My Buddy to the west in the Haliburton Highlands, Bram Lebo, publisher of the lacklustre The Highlander newspaper was unequivocally insufferable – again – last week.

Did I read what he wrote? Jeezus Louisez! No!

I took a look at the column inches. I did some mental dancing. I gasped and threw up a bit in my mouth!

And I surmised that once again Mr. Lebo’s self-indulgent soapbox scratchings spouted more column inches than The San Francisco Chronicle devoted to the invasion of Pearl Harbor back when that nugget lit up Hawaii.

Here’s how he started.

Most people can remember a time when having a car meant borrowing one from your parents. In my case, it was a 1985 Chevrolet Caprice … yadda yada yada “.. and on he drones… pimple scratchings from an MBA Lawyer trying to be folksy. I know Bram Lebo and Folksy he ain’t… folks!

And here’s how it ends, roughly 2,765 words later… ahhhh I can’t count em. When I see copy that long I know from long experience that it’s either Bullshit or Malarkey and sometimes… both!

Anyway… I repeat… here’s how it ends!

If the average teenager can deal with getting a different answer to the same question on separate occasions, surely our community can understand that variable circumstances, facts, people and requests are likely to get different results too. Our councils are entitled to that flexibility so long as they decide in the best interests of their municipalities. (Yes it’s gnarly and yes it’s pure unadulterated but ulcerated Ponypiss!)

So. In between stutters and mutters and some other words presumably laced with his usual interminably long and insufferably self-serving rhetoric about this and that and why that is thus… we have ladies and gentlemen!…the longest column ever written in a local newspaper! Excepting Randolph Hearst! And he don’t count, because he was at least capable of stringing together a few passable points.[/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][pullquote_left]So. In between stutters and mutters and some other words presumably laced with his usual interminably long and insufferably self-serving rhetoric about this and that and why that is thus[/pullquote_left]

First! Does anyone read this? I mean really. Has anyone read this? really! Really? Really!? #Really. If you have. Please send me the Coles Notes on it.

Because I’m pretty sure it’s just more in a long litany of bupkis emanating from the buzzing maw of a self-satisfied and smug neo-con who seeks solace and respite in the sound of his own drone.

So I see I’m coming up on 400 words.

As a proud Halcyon Highlander, I am darn glad that we have an entity, The Shrike which sees beyond the thin gruel of the sophomoric moaning of the irrevocably smug, who think they possess the solution to all ailments.

Physician… first heal thyself… before taking on the sundry list of compliant woes of that piece of ersatz paradise you now call home.

Mr. Lebo, you’re not helping. There are big problems in that little diocese. They need problem solving not specious platitudes.

Oh by the way. Ever wonder why I do this … all the time…? because a birdie told me that Mr. Lebo absolutely hates them. But… it’s also the way I compose all of my rants… have done for years…! Oh by the way? Know why I use the interrogative? A lot? Because Mr. Lebo once told the editor of this entity TG that using ? was not proper? and had no place in editorials or stories. The next day TG came at Mr. Lebo armed with the Globe and Mail (and other papers)  depicting Jeff Simpson and some other prominent writers in the national rag using ? to introduce their ledes and main arguments. So, that’s when, says TG, Bram Lebo gave him one of those looks. Part eye roll and part pout.  He won’t tell anyone, but Mr. G has a very low regard for Lebo’s intellect. Oops. I assume that will be gone in the regular edition.

Oh and I’m over my 400 word limit.

Remember mr. Lebo, that that when you write sooooo lonnnnggg and that poorly?

It’s not writing. It’s typing.

Editor’s Note… Once again Bam! Mego is ensconced in the Halcyon Highlands and he has a hate on for the other Highlands. So send your emails to him at @BAM! on twitter. And once again I am terrance G doing Pontius Pilattes! TG

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About the Author:

terrance Gavan is a crap journalist. Humor is integral to every part of his life. Gavan is a raconteur, a story-teller, photographer, designer and videographer. he is also an award winning Canadian Journalist and an award winning news and sports photographer. He has worked for The Manitoban, CBC, CJOB, TSN, Canadian Press, United Press International, The Winnipeg Sun, Interlake Publishing, Sun Media, Runge Press, and the County Voice. He is a web designer, video producer and writer. An award winning poet, He resides in Kawartha Lakes, Ontario with his wife Jackie and boss dog Billie Jean King. Just a skip and hop from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Which is of course the center of the universe!

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