What’s wrong with Halcyon?

Bam! Mego. – Publisher Absurdist

Halcyon – Ontario – We never know do we. When the time is right for pontification.

For me? There’s never a bad time.

We may as well face the facts. To wit: I am a fount of knowledge. And I feel a need to share. With you. My people.

I have ruminations. They must spill. Like the waters of Katrina overwhelming the levees. I must gush. And thus this column. Weekly. Not once… as Katrina. But many, many, many times. I am that full of self-effacing goodness. I am here to regale you of the this and the thus. And spill forth on the reasons behind this-thusness. (Stolen from Abe Lincoln or Doris Kearns Goodwin. I found out the hard way that I must attribute my references. Wher the hell is my computer guy?)

Topic this week? Waste. Redundancy.

Here’s what I know about Halcyon. We have a county. And we have four townships that make up that county. And we have four governments with Reeves, Deputy Reeves, councillors and ancillary operations et al.

Four governments reporting to their municipalities. Four clerks, four deputy clerks. Four roads guys. Four fire departments. Four recreation departments. Ooops, make that three and one eighth. Halcyon does not believe in recreation. Four roads divisions.

Let’s just imagine the redundancy going on here.

Let’s say the clerk in each of those peripheral municipalities makes in excess of $100 k per year. (They do.) ¬†One for Village Halcyon, one for the RM of Dante, one for the municipality of Ricketsbottom and another for the RM of Goonflickle. Then we have a county County clerk also making in excess of $100 k per annum.

Four clerks. Wait five clerks. Even with my snapdragon noodle I get so confused. Making in excess of $100 k.

Anyway that’s a half a million for an area that has more deer than people. I have no idea if that’s true or not but it sure sounds like it could be. So things being equal and me being Bam!? I will run with that. Anyway, each of these clerks have deputy clerks and deputy vice clerks and vice deputy clerks. You get the picture. We have four rec departments, four roads departments, four property evaluation departments and four treasurers. Then County has the same positions because of course they’re the county. Can’t have a county unless you got the wheels spinning right? Redundancy. Redundance? Redunce? Dunce?

So. This is what we in the paper biz call a bureacratic fungus. Ain’t no minor thing. We have municipalities that report to county who we assume reports to the province.

Halcyon County is made up of a lot of moving parts. And if we are to believe County. The treasurer that is. The one we have for County. Not the treasurers extant in Dante, Ricketsbottom, Halcyon et al and Goonflickle. Oh, yes they have treasurers too. I have no idea what they make. And I am not going to check. I don’t have time to shave… how in hell am I going to take time to research what five treasurers make?

Now where was I. I am word counting here and find that I am only 517… err 18… ummm. Anyway. Anthing under 1500 words and I feel that I am shortchanging my public. So here goes.

You know what’s wrong with Halcyon don’t you? I have told you time and time again. Not enough smart people. Not enough urban panache. Not enough red plaid and not enough gush. We need a Katrina of ideas to push Halcyon forward.

Oh yes. Speaking of running water? When can we get some? I mean we’ve been around for 189 years or so? Could a fella’ get some water? You know. That runs beyond a trickle. The kind of water that does not require warning signs over every tap. “Drink at your own risk! Non potable!”

Anyway. Where was I? Oh wheee. 648.. err 49 words.

Getting closer.