So what's the problem? We don't know. But the neighbours do. Photo courtesy of Tim Horton's.

Tim Horton’s on an extended coffee break

PARDON THE ERUPTION

So what's the problem? We don't know. But the neighbours do. Photo courtesy of Tim Horton's.

 

Death toll rising and hyperbole rules the day

From The Haliburton Echo – Click here for story by Angelica Blenich:

“Reeve Murray Fearrey suggested deferring the decision to allow council more time to deal with safety issues and traffic concerns,” writes the Echo’s Blenich.

“Nobody’s against Tim Hortons, but I don’t want to see someone getting killed out of this,” said Fearrey. (WTF?)

The application is requesting the zoning be changed from residential to highway commercial.

The property in question is currently designated highway commercial, according to the official plan.

A special meeting of council will be held on June 11 at 3 p.m. in Dysart council chambers. (Say what?)

By Terrance GavanCrap Journalist

On Monday (May 28) Dysart et al council succumbed to the clarion call of white bread.

Faced with an array of complaints from neighbours of the proposed Tim Horton’s cafe on CR 121 – to be located somewhere southwest of Curry Motors and Northheast of Peninsula Road – Dysart council deferred on a decision to do something; and opted instead to do nothing.

We wrote a tongue in cheek piece of fluff last week after 75 people reenacted the Siege of Sevastapol in the Dysart council chambers,  voicing concerns over the placement of the proposed Timmy Horton’s.

I’m sure there are valid reasons for the neighbours getting their shorts in a knot. But Mr. Leo Palozzi, the representative from the Tim-o-Saurus encroachment panel, told council that they have no back-up plan for Haliburton. In other words the neighbours, who say they don’t oppose a Tim’s, but are concerned about the location, location, location, had better realize that they are about to kill the deal. Cos’ Mr. Palozzi ain’t jerking our chains here neighbours.

Many of the neighbours said last week that they could pick a new spot for the franchise. As if land around these parts was as plentiful as a 20,000 hectare Manitoba homestead circa 1854.

It ain’t neighbours. And that’s why Mr. Palozzi will not be surveying any other land round these heah’ parts. Because there ain’t none. Just sayin’. The Echo’s Ms. Blenich recorded the following from Mr. Palozzi.

“Representing Tim Hortons, Leo Palozzi asked council to approve the zoning amendment with a list of conditions to be met, allowing the project to move forward,” writes Blenich.

“Tim Hortons is not looking at other sites. There is no back-up plan,” said Palozzi. (QED)

The claims of increased gridlock, traffic, light pollution and chaos we think are a tad overstated and we said as much last week. Will traffic be affected? Yes. Will lights from Tim Horton’s interfere with the neighbour’s view of the night sky? No. Will it increase gridlock? No.

Let’s get something straight neighbours! Gridlock is the 401 at 5 pm; or the Ottawa Queensway any time of the day or night; Gridlock is driving behind 93 year old Mavis Franklin as she makes her way from the hair salon in Haliburton to her home in Carnarvon. Oye!

Is it dangerous? To place a Tim Horton’s on that section of CR 121?

Well it appears that Reeve Fearrey thinks it is.

“Fearrey suggested deferring the decision to allow council more time to deal with safety issues and traffic concerns,” writes Blenich.

“Nobody’s against Tim Hortons, but I don’t want to see someone getting killed out of this,” said Fearrey.

And aside from making Reeve Fearrey the poster child for rampant hyperbole, this is a point that goes to the very crux of the problem. To wit: The speed limit from Peninsula Road and right into the Village of Haliburton is 50 kph.

So if people are driving like they should be driving as they enter the Village of Haliburton – at 50 KPH!!!!! – Mr. Fearrey’s observations would amount to nothing short of fear-mongering. But Mr. Fearrey – no dummy – knows, like we do here at Pardon the Eruption, that if you actually slow down to the posted limit on that stretch of road, cottage cowboys and residents alike will be up your butt like a roid-raged GI Specialist with a portable prostate probe.

And cutting to the chase. The council is not advocating the placement of Tim’s on a highway. Mr. Palozzi is asking to situate it on a roadway that bears a sign reading Maximum 50. And there’s your real gridlock people. The posted speed limit. Tim Horton’s fans – the law abiding ones at least – will be making a left or right hand turn into a parking lot from a residential road with a posted max of 50.

So please Reeve Fearrey – we know where you’re coming from and we get it – but let’s for the nonce fan the flames of collective sanity and admit that no one’s getting killed at 50 kph. But. If the OPP and the municipality continue to ignore the ignorant band of yahoos that continue to barrel through that part of the Village at 85 to 95 clicks?

You’re darn right it’ll be dangerous.

I prefer the glass half full. A Tim Horton’s on that stretch is going to – by it’s mere caffeine quickened presence and soft neon glow – slow the ignorant scofflaws down. Goodo! Boffo! Well Done Timmy’s!

We’re just sayin’ neighbours. That maybe it’s time to reach out for compromise.

And filter through the low hanging fruit of irate obstinence and peruse poetic compromise.

We’re not slaughtering dolphins here neighbours. We’re creating a few jobs. Keeping a few tourists happy. Spreading manic hyperactivity to the world one double espresso shot and maple loaded cruller at a time.

And with a little luck?

Mr. Palozzi will be helping this hamlet make that stretch of road safer – not more dangerous.

By the way.

If you tailgate us on that stretch?

Pardon our Eruption, but we are slowing down… not speeding up.

So scofflaws?

Get the hell off our bumper! We’re stubborn. We’re patient.

And we’re never in a hurry.

We’re looking for a Tim Horton’s… and we’re takin’ our time bumper thumpers!

So back off buddy!

Neighbours feel free to shout at us at gav@pardontheeruption.com