Canadian lawyer steps over boodles of bodies to scale Everest

PARDON THE ERUPTION

Why we hate lawyers, ingenues and bourgeois poseurs

TWEETS from HELL! Sandra Leduc a Canadian idiot, err lawyer,  tweets from Everest…

Lots of dead or dying bodies. Thought I was in a morgue.

Khumbu Icefall is SCARY. 1 ladder covered in blood from sherpa who died a few days ago. Major avalanche thru it today. Only 4 more x to go.

Oxygen tank explosion at 5am today in camp 3. Injured 2 Sherpas and caused an avalanche destroying most of our camp there.

BY TERRANCE Gavan

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You might think this is a lotta' luggage for a lawyer to bring to Everest. Wrong! This is what Sandra Leduc brings to a weekend in the Poconos. We tried to get a picture of her Everest gear. But it wouldn't fit on the page. Photo from Leduc's blog/twitter and facebook moratorium.

What the heck are you thinking Sandra Leduc? Leduc is a Canadian lawyer who scaled Everest the other week.

Tripping up a big hill is not on our bucket list but as they say: “When in Nepal? Climb a fecking mountain.”

Why? Because it’s there? Noooo, dear readers. That Hillaryesque aphorism is deader than a flock of Canada Geese touching down in a Georgia Holler.

The new raison d’etre for an Everest assault? “Because… it’s got flair! And I am as dumb as a bag of hammers.”

And it’s now dubious fare for the rich and famous who like to place inane accomplishments on their mantle. “And this is when I rode an alligator in a Louisiana swamp. We of course had to shoot 10 before we found the right one!”

“And here’s where I summited Everest in the spring of 2012. I did this just after my Sherpa guide was choppered off the hill with a broken jaw. Leaving me to summit alone. My god it was magnificent. And the bodies you have to step over, on the way? Thrilling deah’, absolutely soul shuddering.”

Sandra Leduc is an attorney from Canada who quite literally just finished scaling the world’s highest mountain. She also live-tweeted her ascent,” writes Deadspin.com, an iconic “We could not give a shit” sports blog whose mission statement reads SPORTS NEWS WITHOUT ACCESS, FAVOR, OR DISCRETION. Along with grantland.com it is our favorite blog. Just sayin.

“There are many routes to climb Everest, but there are two, in particular, that are most used. The South Col (pass) and the North Col are the two paths most traveled to the summit—the South from Nepal and the North from Tibet.

“The South Col requires multiple passes through the Khumbu Icefall—which is like a waterfall only it’s ice and moves much, much slower—like, meters a year slower. Despite its lack of speed, it can move quickly and suddenly and it is considered the most dangerous part of the climb—found not far above base camp. Leduc climbed up the South Col with an unguided expedition group, though she did hire a personal Sherpa. She left Kathmandu on April 10 and on April 14, her Sherpa was helicoptered off the mountain because of a broken jaw but according to Leduc is recovering.

“Her tweets are a mix of pure joy and determination and the numbing rawness one would expect from tens of thousands of feet above sea level. She experienced many setbacks and saw things that sound absolutely terrifying and disturbing, but she also kept upbeat—making jokes about Snickers bars, watching Indiana Jones and fantasizing about the creature comforts once she was done.” From Deadspin.com see article… Here.

And you see. This is why we all hate lawyers. This is why Shakespeare said we should kill them… first!

Not last. Not maybe. Not after we kill the money changers. No. Shakespeare said we kill the lawyers… first!

Bloody good writer, eh? And a real visionary. He saw all this coming.

Where were we. Oh yes. Ms Leduc.

An ingenue with lots of money and a unique perspective. Willing to step over human detritus and a raft of other silly buggers who needed some kind of reassurance that they were “Still alive and living in the moment!” “Let’s all go,” they said. “To scale the world’s highest peak. For today we can. It’s fun. Money talks; Sherpa’s walk; and there’s a flock in line at the Everest dock!”

And many of these vain poseurs die trying. Unfortunate too, this bloody miasma of human hurdles littering the path of the South Col. Inconsiderate bastards. Don’t they realize that t’would be best had they hurled themselves down a coulee instead of dying on the trail. Where other feckless hoi polloi must gingerly step on them and over them to reach the summit. It’s time consuming and difficult.

“Oh my god!” the hoi polloi whines. “I can’t believe that this fucker would die right here on the narrowest part of the trail! No consideration.”

Or maybe they don’t whine. Maybe, like our barrister Leduc, they “network.”

Ms. Leduc tweeted wildly about seeing so many failed dreams. Yes, dear readers, we tweet on the way up nowadays.

Khumbu Icefall is SCARY. 1 ladder covered in blood from sherpa who died a few days ago. Major avalanche thru it today. Only 4 more x to go.

From 4/28: Rest day in base camp means drinking beer or thinking about it and watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom in a tent?

My sherpa injured while we were climbing Lhotse Face to Cp 3 (7200m) and helo’d out to KTM. Lots of misinfo circulating at EBC abt incident.

 Finally took a break. Forced 2 Snickers down, a Twix and some juice and all of a sudden I was up and running.

Can I tell you that I am writing a letter to the CEO of Snickers when this is done?

Why not Twitter? It’s not as if an Everest summit is taxing or dangerous. We have oxygen, gourmet ration packs and Sherpas and ropes. Don’t forget the ropes. They’re building stairs on some parts of the mountain. Who knows what’s next? Escalators? Zip lines? Cinemas? A Gap? Oh god let there be a gap… filled with Gap apparel that just synchs with our climb!

Sell it baby. “I climbed Everest in my Gap jeans and all I got was this fucking tee-shirt!”

“I wore Gap at the top of the world!”

What? The bodies? Oh, sod the bodies! So many people are doing it these days that anyone with a million bucks and a tent’s going to give it a shot. Overweight stock brokers, lawyers, fortune 500 CEOs and I think Oprah’s doing it sitting in a rickshaw next spring.

Hell give Ms Leduc her due. She’s done what very few lawyers are doing these days. Taking some time off from screwing their clients at $500 per. We hope the book deal is coming. And she can leave her practice.

Shakespeare would be chuffed.

And so would we.

Please feel free to yell at me at gav@pardontheeruption.com

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