A flatlander dreams of an open road

Get the %$#& outta’ my way!

By Terrance Gavan – Crap Journalist

So a recent trip to the heart of cottage country in Manitoba gave me some time to enjoy with few restraints the wonder that is the prairies.

We live here in cottage country Ontario and we have become weary of road trips.

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The Lily gardens in beausejour. Thanks to Century 21 in Beausejour for the photo.

Twists, turns, rocks, lakes, tailgating assholes and the abominable grid lock that only occurs when one is in a hurry to get to a museum opening or a concert.

We have our own beltway blues here in Haliburton Highlands.

The old fogey who feels safe, sound, entitled and privileged, while moping along at 70 kilometers per hour, oblivious to the 439 car backlog behind his or her back bumper.

Why, you ask, am I rage rage raging against the dying of this blight? And what does this have to do with Beausejour Manitoba?

Aha! Et tu Brutus?

Well, because in Manitoba two weeks ago I drove into Beausejour from the farm at 110 KPH while reading a paper, texting madly and sipping a coffee from a real china mug.

The speed limits in Manitoba are 100 kph on every highway – Easy Riding when popped against the nimble 80 click fandango on Ontario county roads.

And perhaps most gratifying? The fact that we can drive an hour at 120 clickometers from Winnipeg to Beausejour and never encounter a turn or a bend or a rock face or a fogey.

Oh, sure there are fogeys in Manitoba.

But with no hills or bends or suicide 90 degree turns and no double lines?

We stomp pedal to metal and blow the goddam doors off the slow oldsters, the grannies and the farmers.

Bye. Bye. Fogey!

But we digress.

More to the point. We made a video about our favorite athlete while in Beausejour.

Welcome Maddy to the Shr!ke.ca.

You are the bomb!

Cheers, Love and ripe rutabagas.


And Happy Birthday to Maddy’s dad John.

Who turned 50 and still beats me at tennis.