Piece of the school bus sized space junk lands on my golf cart

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Here it is! Space Junk. School-bus space junk! Jealous? I figure we're taking in about $5 mill on Ebay once we get it chucked down to 100 limited parcels. Photo by Cuppa Joe Simonsky. Use it y'all. Send it to your relatives. Hackers' Nation is open source. WEB! BABY!

BY CUPPA JOE SIMONSKY – IN VANCOUVER

HOLY crap! I did it!

They said the chances were infinitesimal, but persistence is rewarded. I took a wild guess. I was just ready to pull the golf clubs out of the Jeep at Radium Hot Springs BC when I heard the screaming meemeee in the Northern Sky high above the Easy Kootenays.

The high pitched whstle, like a dropping bomb in one of those WWII documentaries was followed by a rumble and then a huge bang.

It slammed right into my golf cart in the Radium Hot Springs parking lot. I kid you not.

So, I’m just back from the Kootenays.

And with me in the old Jeep – circa 1972 – is a piece of the iconic and much-ballyhooed school bus from Mars. Okay orbit.

We are preparing to put it on E-Bay. And screw the government, NASA and the spooks who tried to trail me from Radium over the pass. I lost them on my third turn, doubled back to Golden and high tailed her back roads home to Granville Island. They had my place surrounded and I had to take refuge with my collaborators.

It’s – as you can see in the picture – a huge glowing globe, almost perfectly round and hey, I even got part of the school bus almost intact and fusion-fossilized into the frontpiece of the globe.

I’ve been accosted by several NASA types via text message already and have taken up temporary residence at a top secret hacker’s village here in Vancouver.

My friend “Anachronist Phil” has geigered it and aside from a little ticking he says the glowing piece of space crapista is registering about as much as a dental X-Ray.

He’s placed it in a lead box and it’s stored in Hacker Village’s Fortress Safe. Hell yeah, it’s got a name. The Simonsky Stone.

I have already called a good friend in Hollywood and he’s commisioned the story to one of his dime a dozen screenwriters. I said screw you Don Juan, I’m taking this puppy to page, and I’ll sell you the rights when I’m damn good and ready.

Oh by the way. Apropos of nothing except my visit here to Hackers’ Village? If the idiots who wrote harassing and vulgar messages to our editor – Terrance Gavan – on an iPhone shortly after he left the Voice¬†are reading this?

I gave your iPhone ID and the email-tag-line to Poison Lou here at Hackers’ Nation. And he just reminded me that his birthday falls on Oct 25th. So just a heads’ up to those drunks? Poison says, “back up your content and especially your address book. Before Oct 25.” That’s all he’ll tell me. I would heed the advice, but you did not hear it here.

Anyway that’s a tangential piece of business garnered from my adult onset A.D.D.

Back to space junk. Stay tuned to this column and I will be telling you when we’ve got that orb polished and chopped into 100 pieces for sale on E-Bay.

Oh. Peace and love and chillin’ doves my peeps.

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At Hackers" Nation HQ just before we brought it into the Vault for processing. Yes, I had a blanket on it for the trip from Radium Hot Springs to Vancouver. Cuppa Joe Photos.

Walking, walking and walking the beach with Desdamona, Trystram and the three cats. Yes for gosh sakes they have names. I’m old. I’ve got ADULT A.D.D. and their names are on the tip of my tongue.

Dizzy, Daffy and Declan? I can name ’em what I want. They’re cats for chrissakes. They don’t come when you call so why bother naming them. They are well fed and loved, and I call them anything from Sidney Crosby to Boredom Beckham. Or whatever I happen to be watching at the time.

Just so youse’ all knows.

All of my animals are spayed, neutered and loved.

As a matter of fact.

Trystram is licking my face as we speak. And Desdamona is licking Trystram’s butt.

So we must now walk.

Because I find the whole scenario just a bit disturbing.

Peace out from Cuppa Joe in beautiful downtown Vancouver. And Granville Island. And Hackers’ Nation HQ.

Wishing you all the best for this first weekend of autumn.

Gav gets a piece of space junk for free. I’m giving him the part with one of the school bus lights.

Peace, love and tenderness.

Oh and can you for chrissakes Gav? Get a picture of the guy who threw the banana at Philadelphia Flyer player Wayne Simmonds.

Get us a picture and I guarantee that the experts here at Hackers’ Village in Vancouver will have it on the web in five seconds.

These guys must be named and shamed.

No screed. Just name him – or her- and shame em. Period!

Peace love and tenderness. Too much of the other stuff traveling in suspect circles around the world right now.

Jingoism and balkanization stem from fear. And believe me people. We’ve got nothing at all to fear from Wayne Simmonds.

Sorry Wayne. Just want to let you know.

That some of us caucasians are heading to the tanning salon.

Because today?

It stinks to be a white Canadian.

cuppajoe@haliburtonnews.ca twitter.com/cuppajoe

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