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RANTS “R” US – TERRANCE GAVAN HALIBURTONNEWS.CA
“Ontario’s Liberals lashed out against the NDP on Tuesday, sinking their teeth into a comment a Niagara-area New Democrat candidate made about Nazi Germany and not letting go, despite cries that the remark was misconstrued and wildly out of context,” spouts the Gob and Pail on a slow news Thursday (Sept 22) plodding along the Election 2011 dung-littered trail.
I must admit to a certain queasiness right now. In fact I think I felt something gurgling into the top of my esophageal track.
Slow the boat down! People, people, people! Order in the house for gosh sakes.
When did this election train run off the tracks and how the heck did it get to Dachau?
I don’t know, but I’m sure someone at the Gobby Flail does.
SO? Let’s get more from our National Tease, The Sturm and Drang Toronto Harangue.
“The Liberals called for NDP leader Andrea Horwath to dump Anthony Marco as her candidate in Niagara West-Glanbrook – the riding held by Progressive Conservative Leader Tim Hudak – over comments in a podcast posted on Mr. Marco’s website last year before he became a candidate.”
I sense some deja vu coming round the mountain when it comes… when it comes.
Read on Good Montague. Prithee comest to me with un bon mot juste.
The Liberals singled out a portion where Mr. Marco suggests he can’t condemn Nazi politics and thinks that those who devote themselves to fighting Nazis are ‘pretty messed up.’ (Ed: Holy Crap they hired a fruitcake! To run v WhoDat! Ohhhh, my AndreaDoria! What in god’s name have you done?)
“For some people the old politics of Nazi Germany might be their religion. And just as I can’t condemn other people’s religion, I can’t, I don’t agree with them, but you can’t stop somebody from believing in something,” he said in the podcast. “You’re the one who is pretty messed up if you’re going to devote your entire life to trying to convince somebody not to believe what they believe.” (Ed note: Shit! He put it in a podcast? I have to stop and head down the hall. I think I’m about to pee myself laughing! Soory again. Ed gone to pee!)
Okay. AndreaDoria. Listen here. Right now. Look at me.
Please don’t get into a pissing match with Mr. WhoDat or Mr. MacGuilicutty on this one. Admit to yourself – there that’s right it’s step one – that Slim Tim is going to mess up Mr. Marco’s election day with a right round trouncing. Admit that Mr. Marco is just about as crazy as that gosh darn Loon who keeps waking me up on Head Lake at 5 am every morning. Say it AndreaDoria!
“My name is Terrance Gavan and I’m an alcoholic!” Oops. Wrong step one. Ignore that.
Cut the umbilical cord on this freaking nut-bar Marco right now. Don’t waste good column inches in Canada’s National Ragtime Band with any defense of your quack-a-doodle candy-date Mr. Marco.
Unless of course his last name is Polo and he invented a short-cut to India. Then? Milk him for all the free silk you can get your hands on! No. Wait. Inner demons and my penchant for 200 thread count silk pajamas.
Where was I? Oh yes. Noooo! AndreaDoria. Your ship is sinking! Chop the rope on old chopped liver Marco.
You can end it nicely.
Just say: “We love Mr. Marco here at NDP headquarters. We genuinely respect his political acumen, his insight and his innovative take on things that don’t or shouldn’t concern him. Like Nazis. And German-Jewish relations. And legitimate grudges. You know. Wee stuff like that.”
“Now ladies and gentlemen of the press – and you too Terrance you bilgewater hack (Ed note: I like to insert myself whenever possible. Or so I’ve been told by a few pedantic editors) – we have just been informed by Mr. Marco’s Psychiatrist TimBitsThee O’Leery that he has been under a great deal of stress over the past year. O’Leery confirmed that he trebled his normal dosage of medicinal Peyote-Carrot Muffins from three to five per day.
“Doctor O’Leery suggests that it may have been a mistake and will be hauling Marco’s “butt down to the Betsy Ross Clinic down to Earfrick Holler, Tennessee just as soon as he takes his therapeutic whopping from PC leader Timmy WhoDat.”
There. Now was that so hard Ms. AndreaDoria?
Nope. She’s not listening! There she goes. That’s it AndreaDoria you go girl! Wade in that water! Wade in the water!
The NDP later released a statement from Mr. Marco, saying any suggestion he would excuse or downplay the “heinous” crimes of the Nazis is offensive.
Still, Ms. AndreaDoria was grilled about Mr. Marco’s comments at her appearance at the International Plowing Match and she stood by him.
“It’s very apparent that the Liberals, once again, are misinterpreting and misleading people as to what Mr. Marco has said in his podcasts,” she said.
“I think this is an attempt of the Liberals to cast mud on a candidate that is running for the NDP and I think Ontarians deserve better than this.”
Mr. WhoDat was hesitant to wade into the fray without seeing the transcript, but took issue with the tenor of the remarks.
“I don’t know exactly what the comments were but they sound rather extreme and disappointing,” he said.
Really Timbits? Ya Think? He’s running against you in your riding. Did you not get one of your lackeys to run down this wingnut’s bona fides? It would have been easy. He puts them on PODCASTS fer’ criminy–sakes!
Here’s more from our Good Gob and Flail.
In a fuller version of the text of the podcast, Mr. Marco talks about how he doesn’t believe in burning books, even if he is against the ideology in a book.
“But there are a couple that I would suggest burning, and it’s not even from an ideological perspective, like ‘Oh, burn stuff by Adolf Hitler’,” he said.
“Whatever. If you want to read that stuff, read that stuff. For some people the old politics of Nazi Germany might be their religion,” Mr. Marco says, continuing into the quote provided earlier by the Liberals.
The NDP questioned the Liberal strategy of trying to paint their candidate as a Nazi defender with out-of-context quotes. But the Liberals continued highlighting more quotes from Mr. Marco’s podcast, though they didn’t specify if they were suggesting they found them offensive, too:
- “I went to Catholic church. I was even an altar boy for a long period of time and I’m proud to say was never been molested once.”
- “I’m probably unabashedly atheist for the most part.”
- “If you choose to have your faith in God … or you choose to have your faith in aliens from outer space, whatever, so be it. Just don’t cut me off while I’m driving, don’t try to take advantage of me and screw me over with some sort of bizarre sort of financial Ponzi scheme.”
One quote from Mr. Marco’s book-burning podcast rant the Liberals have not taken issue with is his last line, where he sets his sights on Canadian pop star Justin Bieber’s autobiography.
“If you want something to burn and feel good about it, burn Bieber’s book.”
Ed’s note: OH NO. You played the Bieber card? Argggh! Andrea! Andrea Doria! Oh no he din’t? Did he?
Ladies and gentleman.
I present to you. The winner of my Batcrap Crazy Tap Dancing on a Hot Tin Roof Award for 2011.
Mr. Tony “Quacking Cwazy” Marco. Congratulations Mr. Marco. You win an all expense paid 28 day trip to Belleview Hospital in beautiful New York City!
Ms. AndreaDoria is our presenter tonight Ladies and Gentleman. And it looks like – oh you little rapscallion where is it? – she removed the return half of that Porter Airlines round trip tickeee Mr. Marco.
“Congratulations Mr. Marco. here’s your trophy. Now, let me wipe that little bit of spittle from the corner of your mouth.”
Rant subsides. To denouement folks.
Oh crap. It’s late. Play the music. Exit stage right.
And put the babbling brook in a strait-jacket.
Send your nasty comments to firstname.lastname@example.org twitter.com/terrancegavan