OPP – Hey you! Put that cell phone down and get out of the ditch!

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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! So I stopped after I drove over it and took this picture. Really. This was not an act of revenge but a calculated gambit to save the life of a defenceless child in the passenger seat. Photo by The Gavinator. RIM Ridder.

OPP says that it’s time for motorists to keep it real vis-a-vis the dreaded talk-by

Terrance Gavan – The Editor – RIM Ridder

I pulled out of Ottawa last Friday with an agenda. get home before dark.

I left the city of the Rideau at 6 and I just made it.

Three quarters of the way home – I swear to god – I flat out wet my pants.

Here’s the piss on that pop.

On whatever they call that highway coming into Bancroft on the northern route, I peered ahead and saw to my amazement a blue, green and white VW micro bus filled presumably with some pot smokin’ beatniks? Really? A VW Microbus?

No hippies. Much worse. Inside that sucker? A middle aged woman putting on lipstick, while gazing into her side mirror, and talking on a Blackberry Curve.

How do I know? That. It. Was. A. Blackberry. Curve?

Good question. Let me go thru my steps to enlightenment for ya’  knuckleheads.

Here she comes. Into the breach. About 60 percent over the double line. Aimed like a wandering mallard right at my front grill.

I veered over to the right shoulder, gravel spraying under my Jeep Liberty’s tires.

The lady grabbed her kid, unbuckled in the right passenger seat, pushed him against the far window as she veered quickly back to her lane.

On the way back to her side of the road – sanity? – she dropped her lipstick and her cell phone.

She ended up spun into the gravel on her side of the road and teetered on the end of the ditch.

I stopped the Jeep; turned around; and drove over to see if she was okay.

She said yes, but her kid had a bump on his head.

I suggested she take him to the hospital in Bancroft.

She was concerned about her lipstick and her Blackberry Curve.

Both were sitting in the middle of the highway.

“Look, don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of it,” I said.

I turned around, drove over the Blackberry and left her lipstick intact.

“Oops,” I said. “That Blackberry doesn’t look too good, but I think I saved your lipstick. Have a nice fecking weekend.”

I smiled all the way home.

So take care and heed the folowing issuance from our men in blue!

(CITY OF KAWARTHA LAKES, ON) – The City ofKawartha Lakes OPP would like to remind motorists and persons who utilize personal mobility devices of the rules regarding their safe operation on and around our roadways.

The Ministry of Transportation describes Personal Mobility Devices (Motorized Wheelchairs and Medical Scooters) as being driven by muscular power or other types of power and are designed for and used by people whose mobility is limited by one or more conditions or functional impairments.

Persons that are operating a personal mobility device do not need registration, a driver’s licence or insurance and are treated the same as pedestrians.  Using the sidewalk is the first choice of someone in a personal mobility device but in many areas of the City ofKawartha Lakesthere are no sidewalks.  In that case the person should follow the rules for pedestrians, by traveling on the left shoulder of the roadway facing oncoming traffic. They need to return to the sidewalk as soon as possible.

Motorists are reminded that personal mobility devices will, in certain areas, have no choice but to use the edge of the roadway and must be passed with care.

The OPP are committed to ensuring all our residents and visitors are safe on our roadways.

To contact the RIM Ridder get me at gav@pardontheeruption.com or twitter.com/terrancegavan[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]